Snake Bites

So I thought last year was my year, but according to my Chinese Astrology, this is my year (I was born under the Snake.) Ironic, since the slithery suckers feed my only phobia, however equally reassuring since this year, lucky number 2013, started out with my head screwed on backwards and with two left feet. I was stuck on spin and couldn't see my way.
 Shortly after my last post, my son, myself, and my husband fell ill. It doubled thru the house lasting much longer than a common cold, and knocked me flat on my butt. Simultaneously, my son's teething reached a new level of pain that sadly, not even the best teething necklace or max amount of Infants Tylenol could take away, (although they did make it a million times more bearable), and then, perfectly timed we thundered into December's holiday season with the arrival of my grandmother in-law and the start of her 2 month long visit from France! 2 months is long for anyone, but mix in my seemingly never-ending, far-more-time-consuming-than-I-anticipated TEFL course; ongoing sleep deprivation and overall lagging from the month prior; the stresses of the Christmas season plus the pressures of a perfect 'baby's first', along with the woes of maternity leave pay and financial difficulties; and there you have one totally overwhelmed, overweight, over emotional little mama lost.

Fortunately, once my tears had dried and things started to slowly resemble a routine again in early January, I finally had my long overdue follow-up with my post natal nurse. This was a service I had hesitated accepting; one that became more of a friendly chat than medical evaluation; and the same service that may have changed my life. Turns out that even though the symptoms I was suffering - feelings of darkness and of being overwhelmed, like the world was on top of me and suddenly nothing was turning out the way I had - greatly resembled PPD and it was time to get help. 

This was the most awful thing I had ever heard while it was also a great relief. It gave a reason to the shift in my personality, the missing optimism I pride myself on, the frequent crying and edginess. But I refused to take anti-depressants, and something about the diagnosis just didn't feel right. I LOVE being a mom, LOVE my little angel more than I can put into words, and feel our bond with everything in me...

When my second follow-up and short quiz showed worse results, she insisted it was time for some blood work. My blood test screened for Thyroid, low and behold, the sky cleared! Taking medication that corrects a significant problem in my body was nowhere near as terrifying as the former. Yes, it might be for life, but it is a way easier pill to swallow, literally, than so many of the alternatives I might have been facing. A couple weeks in, and I am feeling light years away from where I was a we rang in the new year just over a month ago. I feel, like me. Busy, stressed, tons going on, but me. Half full me. See the bright side me. Finding time to get things done me. Not some stranger hanging out under the dark clouds. 

And thank goodness. Thank God for hearing my prayers.
And happy new year! Again. 
This is why I love the Chinese calendar. It gives a new year a new boost, so the rest of the year can head in the right direction. With head on straight. Left foot. Right.

Babysteps ;)

PLF JKF