9 Drafts, 2 Towns & a Million Boxes Later...

Here I am. Finalement! This is the FIRST ENTIRE DAY in weeks (!!!) - literally - that I have had to myself, to buy pads and deodorant, to wipe my tears, to pluck my eyebrows, to  think, to plan, to write, and to hopefully make it from draft to post...

I don't know about the rest of you, but this summer has been a blur. I cannot believe it is the 15th of August already. Between packing and unpacking, re-packing, packing again, cleaning, storing, celebrating, sleeping, packing and unpacking some more, painting, cooking, organizing, re-organizing, organizing again - the weeks have gone by so quickly that I actually wish it had all been filmed on a reality TV show (it could be The Northumberland Hills," or "The Cobourg Shore," lol) so that I could now watch it back and actually take in the last 2 months.

I have said before that moving is one of the top most stressful things in life, but I don't think even I knew what that meant. Since meeting my husband, this was the 8th time we have moved in 8 years, from Mexico where we met, to France where he's from, to Canada where we have been hopping, skipping and jumping all over...to land, atlast, here in this "feel good town" of Cobourg. I think I can finally say I am home sweet home, and mean it. Dorothy was right, there is no place like it.

A dream come true, really. I have imagined living here, near its glorious beach and surf side main street, with its smiling faces and friendly neighbours, since I was a little girl. I feel every bit that I am where I belong.



Me, Victoria Beach, 1977


That in no way means that it has been an easy move or transition. The stress, tension, exhaustion have taken hard knocks on me and even my marriage, so much that I wondered this morning if I had indeed stepped into my dreams like I believed, or if I had instead taken a million steps backwards rather than forwards by mistake...

But these insecure doubts come to mind only due to a fragile heart. A fragile heart due only to the above stress and tolls mentionned. A long, heavy build up of challenges which my husband and I continue to plow thru, and which sometimes leaves my heart wounded in our wake.

When our hearts hurt, everything else is a little darker too.
I know that by tomorrow, when the rains dries and the clouds clear, when the sun shines its bright head again, that the doubts and tears will dry up too.

Our dreams (marriages?) are not supposed to be easy to attain and hang onto, they require hard work and dedication and persistence and patience and love and forgiveness. But so often our dreams (marriages?) are crushed, devastated, let go simply because it is easier and faster to give up.

Well not me. I will fight on for my dreams and my marriage and everything I believe in.

This experience has opened my eyes further and made me take account all of the things I have gained and lost during the last decade; it has made me see how I have evolved, and how, in some ways, I have digressed. It has shown me that there is no "post" button on my life or my dreams or my marriage, to put it out there and call it "complete" - it is forever a "draft" in progress, with a whole lot of editing yet!

For now, I will keep breathing, deeply, closing my eyes when I can, and smelling the near-water-fresh air as much as possible. I will look thru binoculars and explore and learn more about birds and flowers. I will ride my bike and walk my dog. I will turn off the self-destructive broken record in my head, a.k.a. Guilt, that gives me crap all the time for not writing, writing, writing, (and various other things) since I will write and keep writing all of my life...and I will enjoy what is left of this most wonderful season of the year, in my new home sweet home, near the beach sweet beach, you know just feelin' good as best I can...

I hope you will too...enjoy the rest of the summer... breathe...take it in...

Peace ~ Love  ~ Gratitude