Although I refused to take the anti-depressant Rx prescribed to treat my postpartum, I could not refuse that my Hypothyroidism could not be fixed with my mind control.
I am no stranger to thyroid issues, so when my blood results finally indicated that I was suffering from the disease, I strangely felt some relief. Because it is a physical condition and is linked to depression, weight gain, constant fatigue, etc., this diagnosis at last gave me something that didn't feel like it was entirely my fault, something I could pull strength from rather than more guilt. I started taking my medication daily...
The financial crisis we were spiralling in came to a halt. That is not to say that we are completely out of the woods, but after hours and hours on end, days, weeks on the phone with Services Canada to reclaim the income which was owed, we received our missing months worth of payments. Slowly the noose loosened and we were able to breathe again. Buy groceries. Make our mortgage payments. Stop arguing about every little thing, every single penny scraped and spent.
Another major event that occurred was when out of nowhere my son was rushed twice to the emergency room, with what we found out later was pneumonia. This huge wake-up call scared us straight, and fast. There is nothing like fearing for the life of your little baby to bring you back to solid ground, to appreciate every medical professional out there, to thank God for every breath, and to remind you that love and family and health are really what matters. My husband and I were reinforced as partners again. In those petrifying hours at the hospital, and the many sleepless nights that followed once we were released to return home, we were able to see clearly (for the first time in what felt like eons,) and know that somehow we would figure things out.
When my son was well enough and the weather cooperated to head out for a walk, we did just that. We head outside on that spring like afternoon, with my baby boy and faithful lab, I heard every bird sing and smiled at every fluffy could in the bright blue sky. The breeze was fresh and the shining sun warmed our faces as we walked. Strangely I took a different turn and ran into a nurse I knew when I had been dealing with ripped nipples and breast feeding battles. At 32, with no prior history or cause or warning, she was learned she was fighting Breast Cancer. In light of her life changing circumstances, she was as cheerful and bright as the sun. Immediately, my own situation seemed minute. I was ashamed of myself for getting so bogged down with things that ultimately can be be corrected, which are in our control. Again, reminded, that health, love and family are all that matters.
The next day I walked again. With my baby boy and faithful lab. We dropped tulips off on her doorstep as she began a new session of treatments and eagerly awaited her second mastectomy; I wanted her to know that as she fights to save her own life, she helped me step up and save myself. Everyday since then, even as the stresses of work and home and finances and health continue to fluctuate, I get stronger. I hope she is too.
PLG ~ JKF
